


e stands for effort

by vantas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Implied Relationships, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 21:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2403764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vantas/pseuds/vantas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events that took place in the 11th Ward, Kaneki decides to come back to Anteiku.  Unfortunately for everyone involved, getting him to stay is something of an Olympic feat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	e stands for effort

**Author's Note:**

> 10/04/14 — In honor of what will (hopefully) be a TG related announcement on the 17th. I wanted to write something with little to no dialogue, but caved in during the last bits. 
> 
> Oh, well.

Getting him to come home was the easy part.

Getting him to _stay_ home, in the most metaphorical sense of the phrase, was not.

But perhaps she gets points for trying.

* * *

( _e stands for effort_ )

* * *

Her less than stellar attempts at keeping Kaneki Ken on planet Earth with them begin directly after their raid of Aogiri's base.

His eyes are dead and every breath he takes already sounds sick and tired of itself, but Touka is hopeful. Hope is all she's ever had and will ever have. So, when he opens his mouth and starts stomping on that hope with a complete disregard for the emotions of everyone gathered here today for this atrocious occasion, she finds herself being guided by her own impulses.

She takes his hand.

And while Kaneki stares at her with a look that makes her feel a little bit like she's gone and broken his fingers all over again, her mouth opens and she begins going on and on about why he should definitely, _definitely_ stay with them. She talks about Hide and Hinami and how crushed everyone would be if he left and, well. Everything. Her words are rushed and awkward and very much the product of her frayed nerves, but it's okay.

It's okay because she never says what she means to say above all. She never says that she's the one who would be completely and utterly crushed if his stupid ass and his stupid face and his stupid existence stopped being a thing in her life.

(Days later there is a horror movie soundtrack playing within her mind because _that was a stupid move_ and she can't believe she touched his hand like some overly sentimental teenage girl, but, hey. _Hey_.

It worked. So she really shouldn't complain at all. Her bruised ego is but a small price to pay and she could deal with a little mortification if it meant keeping that idiot out of trouble.

And that's all that matters.

Reconstructing Kaneki Ken is something like trying to build a castle out of scraps of paper and pieces of soggy cardboard.)

* * *

He doesn't take his old job as a waiter back. Nobody is surprised by that.

Banjou and his followers somehow get roped into working at Anteiku, however, so it's not like she's lost any of her days off. In fact, she's gained some. And she can _almost_ put up with the fact that that Tsukiyama has decided to stick around like an annoying pest if it means having more time for herself. It's time she can use to maybe try not to fail her Classic Literature class.

What is surprising (to her) is when he decides to move into Anteiku's upper floor. He's spouting some bullshit about not being able to live like he previously did and, really. Let's be honest here. She's only half listening because fifty percent of her brain power is going into resisting the urge to beat him into a pulp for spouting nonsense. The other fifty percent is going into shooting Yoshimura looks that scream _say something you old man—_ but the manager isn't saying a thing and neither is Yomo. Nobody speaks up when he slowly rips apart his existence as a human.

Kaneki successfully moves into Anteiku and does nothing but mooch off their hospitality while making her want to kick and scream and throw him out a window. He does away with his cellphone and keeps his room spartan, owning more books than spare sheets or clothes. When he starts spouting even more bullshit about not being able to see Hide anymore, Touka doesn't even know what to think.

Fifty percent of her brain power is still going into resisting the urge to beat the hell out of him, after all.

* * *

It's 2AM and three weeks since Kaneki's return from that incident everyone knows about _but nobody wants to talk about_ , and every single day has felt more like a decade and less like a simple 24-hour long period of their lives.

Here is an abridged list of five things Touka has learned about this new and unimproved Kaneki Ken:

  1. Getting him to smile genuinely is harder than getting Yomo to do the same. This is a fact.
  2. He has no trouble collecting the corpse of a human and has, in fact, usurped this task as of last week. She is not fond of this development. She thinks even Nishiki looks a little like he's swallowed something unpleasant when Kaneki tells them that this will be his new job at Anteiku.
  3. Cracking his index finger has become something of a new habit of his. And by "new" she means "completely disturbing". At this point in time, she's taken to staring at him with half-lidded eyes and keeping a mental tally of how many times he's done it by now.
  4. It's 46, by the way.
  5. Pointing out said tally will elicit a very stricken, _very_ unpleasant response from him. This is a note to never ever do that again. Ever.



Here is an unabridged list of things that have not changed about Kaneki Ken:

  1. He will still take the time to sit down with Hinami, a gentle smile on his face and an incomprehensible mystery novel in hand, in order to teach her new kanji.



She's having trouble finding qualities that remain unchanged and, quite frankly, it's a little disheartening.

* * *

It's a month in since Kaneki's return when Banjou tells her (in that completely misinformed way only Banjou can achieve) that he's _glad_ she was able to keep Kaneki from going off on that mission of his. That he's impressed her words were able to have such an effect on him, saving him from the pain he was going to put himself through.

She laughs and it's a bitter and ugly and vile thing. She didn't save him. She had no effect on him. The Kaneki she knew was left with Aogiri Tree and the person they are seeing now is nothing but a walking reminder of someone she failed to keep safe. He is a disaster waiting to happen.

When she stares up at her ceiling late at night and asks herself _why did he have to change_ —she doesn't have to think a lot about it.

His change reeks of her own personal failure.

* * *

She may be grasping at straws while trying to figure out Kaneki's new thought process, but she isn't wrong about one thing.

He's a disaster waiting to happen.

And he _happens_.

He happens messily and loudly and _there is so much blood_ , but Touka is not focusing on any of that. She is not focusing on his words as he screams and babbles incoherently while going to town with his kagune. She is not biting the inside of her cheek, jaw tightly clenched as he promises to protect her, to protect Hide, to protect Hinami and everyone, every _one_ , _everyone_ —

(She is.)

She beats the hell out of him and also gets the hell beaten out of herself, but it's not as satisfying as she imaged it would be.

Then again, nothing is.

* * *

A week passes and there are no more incidents.

Another week passes and _there are_.

She tries to keep a list of what causes them and how to avoid them.

But in the end she gives up because she can never figure it out and realistically speaking, she probably wouldn't be able to do a thing to help him.

She wonders if it's normal to feel like shit this persistently or if she caught something from holding his hand all those weeks ago.

* * *

Trying to keep his best friend from finding him is akin to keeping a bloodhound from finding its target.

By which she means, it's somewhat impossible.

_By which she means_ , it's two months later when Kaneki's little melodramatic act goes to waste because Hide just so happens to walk into Anteiku as Kaneki is walking out.

The tension that ensues is so thick that Touka feels like she's suffocating. Certain parties (as in, Banjou) have to be escorted out of the room before a completely undesirable scene can happen. Everyone prepares for the inevitable.

Except the "inevitable" never happens because Hide breaks the tension by casually slinging an arm around Kaneki's shoulder and saying, "Kaneki! With a look that gloomy, I would think you ran away to join a band," and then, "I bet you lost your cellphone, huh?"

She thinks Kaneki's shut down because his eyes are just a tad bit unfocused, but then forces a breath out of his lungs and gingerly touches his chin.

"Ah... I did. Sorry, Hide."

When Hide begins to playfully scold him for losing something so important, his tone is odd and difficult to comprehend.

But she can't help but to think that Kaneki has been using that gesture more frequently than before, these days.

* * *

Two months and two weeks and three days later, and she's standing in front of a wooden door feeling like a stalker. But it's for a good cause. That's what she convinces herself of. She has to. Otherwise, she couldn't justify trying to eavesdrop on this conversation.

She hears the human talk first, in that tone that usually sets the warning bells off in her head but somehow manages to fail doing so today. He starts off by laughing and saying something that sounds like Kaneki's name and maybe a _you know_ , and then she clearly hears him say, "I think that if I found someone I'm close to was a ghoul—I'd be okay with it."

Instinctively, her body stiffens. Her jaw clenches. She is prepared for the worst. She is prepared to intervene. But her expectations fall short when all she hears is Kaneki's voice, tired and small and much too quiet for her to hear. She has no idea what he's saying and that scares her more than anything.

The next thing she hears is Hide's response.

"Man, cheer up! You look like you've _seen_ a ghoul. Come on, let's watch a movie before it gets too late."

She exhales.

She isn't entirely sure when she began to hold her breath.

* * *

At the six month mark, she finds herself holding his hands again. His fingers are calloused and cold. She thinks he looks worse with every passing day and she doesn't know what to do about that. It's a work in progress.

"Tell me," she begins, "that you won't leave. _Promise me_ that you won't leave, no matter what."

He looks at her, expression blank and muscles tense.

"Okay," he responds.

And she isn't sure if he means it, but he's still there the next morning so she's certain she'll have the time to figure it out.

* * *

In the end, things would never be the same. But she could learn to live with what they had now. Meeting Kaneki Ken for the first time was venturing into unknown territory. Keeping him around now is the same.

Things were going to be okay.

(Except when they weren't.

But they could make it through.)

 


End file.
